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Sad in October

by A Rapper Named Nati

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1.
Mac Miller 03:13
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I know the sound of fear When there’s no hope around or near I was broken down in tears Felt like I’d hold it down for years But it finally surfaced. And I’m slightly nervous I know what it’s like to spiral, searchin’ For hope in this life. And I’m kinda hurtin’ You don’t wanna know what’s inside or behind the curtain These drugs get vilified yet they’re still prescribed Mac Miller died. And I ain’t even know that man But still I cried, head in my hopeless hands And it didn’t have much to do with him Or the drug usage in the music biz The truth is it felt like the last straw I yelled “life’s too damn hard!” I just can’t.. God! Why do you torture me? All apologies. They ask what misfortunes seem to have befallen me ‘Cause all they see is the happy posts He laughs and jokes, even brags and boasts But the richest man is not he who has the most My job is screwin’ me. And stickin’ to my principles will probably ruin me I got no one to listen to, talk, or humor me We grew it seems Congruently but then we drifted apart This is the part that gives me the spark I sit in the dark at 11 past 11 Trying to wish on a star. Never had a chance at heaven It was this from the start I keep inflicting this harm in spite of myself Been cryin’ for help now for many years But it seems my pleas fall on the deafest ears I’m in freefall, no ascension here. My cash is tapped like a keg of beer Trying to get back on track like an engineer But they applaud the train wreck. Let ‘em cheer Let ‘em cheer I just been living in hell I don’t know why we keep killin’ ourselves When you’re alive, music sits on the shelf But when you die, it contributes to sales I just been living in hell I don’t know why we keep killin’ ourselves When you’re alive, music sits on the shelf But when you die, it contributes to sales I just wanna inspire you I don’t wanna hide the truth I don’t wanna be sad no more. I don’t want to be sad I don’t wanna be sad no more. I don’t want to be sad I just wanna inspire you The way he did me I don’t wanna be sad no more. I don’t wanna be sad I don’t wanna be sad no more. I don’t wanna be sad I don’t wanna be sad no more. I don’t wanna be sad I don’t wanna be sad no more
2.
October 05:52
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Am I a victim of society Is this a symptom of sobriety You better keep an eye on me I try to keep my mind at ease but never seem to find my peace Celebrity's a lie to me Obsessed it seems with diamond rings, Designer jeans and expensive things that shine and gleam They pry and peep into the lives we keep. No privacy They don't factor in the price of fame That's not a price that I can pay I'm just trying to find my place I try to take it all in stride but sometimes I break I just wanna fly away I try to wade through dire straits I'm tryin' to find a way to hide the pain If they ask if I'm alright today, I'll lie and say that I'm okay I just want to sleep till it's over I'm just trying to keep my composure Seasons change and people get colder People change like the leaves in October All I'm in need of is closure I try to drink till I'm sober Reasons change as people get older People change like the leaves in October I came to the end. I had given up I was at the edge. But I didn't jump We can play pretend like I give a fuck But it's time to make amends for the shit I've done How you supposed to love when you hate yourself Who do you trust when you betray yourself I need a win, I'm tired of takin' L's No one knows about the pain I've felt Truth is I'm a piece of shit I pray to god but I dont know if I believe in him And i dont know if I'll be leaving this Earth soon. I never meant to hurt you But I've been thinking 'bout suicide Truth is I don't know if I would do it right I've sliced my wrist before I'm not sure what I'm living for The ball's in my court but it's a different sport I'll probably die before I'm 54 That means I'm well passed a mid-life crisis I got these habits to kill and these vices I dont have any pills cuz of prices So the glass that I fill is to fight this I'm only happy when I'm not sober I've been feeling low all October Might need to get to high to over it I've been open with my emotions, if I told you this, Imagine what I won't admit I just want to sleep till it's over I'm just trying to keep my composure Seasons change and people get colder People change like the leaves in October All I'm in need of is closure I try to drink till I'm sober Reasons change as people get older People change like the leaves in October I came to the end. I had given up I was at the edge. But I didn't jump We can play pretend like I give a fuck But it's time to make amends for the shit I've done How you supposed to love when you hate yourself Who do you trust when you betray yourself I need a win, I'm tired of takin' L's No one knows about the pain I've felt And I dont know if you know this But I can't be alone with my thoughts I've been losing focus Feelin' empty and broken I've been feeling hopelessness Starin' out the window motionless Tears streaming down my face I've been screaming out in vain This is awful tragic The thoughts I have is the cost of madness If I'm not distracted, I get lost in sadness I was staring off in space and forgot what happened I forgot why I came in this room So I sat on the floor and I cried I've been asking the Lord for a sign I need support I need time I need some sort of divine intervention I need some friendship My heart is broken. I need to mend it My life is hopeless. Might need to end it Mom and dad never said "I'm proud of you." I feel all alone in a crowded room All my life been told I'm bound to lose I'm afraid right now what I'm 'bout to do I've been so stressed, I'm ready to hurl I'm really not dressed for the end of the world I'm not dressed for the end of the world I'm really not dressed for the end of the world

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released October 25, 2019

Produced by Rob Maestro

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A Rapper Named Nati Three Rivers, Michigan

Three Rivers, MI, based hip-hop artist A Rapper Named Nati has been penning rhymes since 1996. He met Dutch producer Rob Maestro in high school, circa 2004. Fifteen years later, the pair have been anointed Self-Proclaimed Kings. (Pronounced “notty.”)

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